My parents are in the country, so of course I spend a week with them at their place, which means I have a lot of time to think, a lot of time to watch some old tv shows, and a lot of time to write.
The TV show of choice this week is One Tree Hill because it was one of my favorite shows when I was in high school; however, by the time I hit college, I had already stopped watching TV altogether. I didn’t even know that One Tree Hill continued after its characters graduated high school! I do think it fits the actors way better; they always looked way too old for high school.
Anyway, the show made me want to think a bit and write a bit. So here I am, thinking and writing.
Because I do lot of chastity work, I can’t help but notice all the different ways the media forms our youth into thinking that there’s nothing wrong with casual sex. They do it in not-so-subtle ways by having all these lines and side plots that depict sex a casual thing. But that doesn’t bother me as much as when they do it in subtle ways because it’s just so sneaky. One line from One Tree Hill that really got to me was said by a female character, and it went something like.. “My virginity is MINE.”
Yes, this sounds really great at first and maybe forever to a modern day feminist. I’m sure all the modern feminists watching the show at the time stood up and applauded the character for being so brave and independent, but before you join in, I would caution everyone to think about it before turning this into a motto. Here’s a rule of thumb: anytime there’s an emphasis on the self when it has to do with sex and love, the moral judgement part of your brain should perk up and give it a second thought. Sex and love are never supposed to be selfish. So if the line sounds right but there’s an emphasis on the self, it’s probably part right and part wrong. That’s pretty much how the media convinces so many people of so many things that are wrong.—they say something that’s part true, but it’s so attractive that the audience takes the whole thing as true.
Anyway, I think the character is correct, but I also think she’s wrong. Nothing is ever a clear black and white nowadays.
So here’s the context: Millicent and Mouth are two characters in One Tree Hill who were in a relationship together. Millicent was a virgin, and Mouth wasn’t, but he was trying to be a noble guy who respected Millicent and sincerely didn’t want to pressure her into anything she didn’t want to do. To make a long story short, one of Mouth’s female co-workers was constantly flirting with him, Millicent got angry, and out of rage she went out and lost her virginity to some other guy. Mouth of course got angry that she gave her virginity away to someone other than him, and Millicent responded, “well, my virginity is MINE”—meaning Mouth had no entitlement to Millicent’s virginity.
So like I said, Millicent is right and she’s wrong.
Let me explain, she’s right that Mouth had no entitlement to her virginity, but she’s wrong by meaning that it’s hers to give away to whomever she felt. Someone does have entitlement to her virginity. And that someone is her future husband, not some random guy at a bar, not some temporary boyfriend, but a man who vowed his entire life to love her until death do them part. That man and that man alone is entitled to her virginity. Therefore, a woman who willingly loses her virginity before she’s married, in my opinion, owes her husband an apology. The same, of course, goes for men. A man who gave away his virginity to someone that is not his wife, owes his wife an apology. I’m not saying everything is ruined, but at the least, apologize for giving away what was meant for your spouse.
A woman’s virginity is hers, but it isn’t for herself. I mean, helloooo, you can’t give your virginity to yourself. It’s meant to be given as a gift to her husband (or to Jesus). So it naturally follows that a woman’s virginity is hers to protect until it’s time for her to give it away.
Mouth and Millicent weren’t married; they didn’t vow their lives to each other, so it’s true that Mouth did not have any entitlement to her virginity, but I can understand that Mouth would be upset because if he was serious about their relationship and serious about getting married, then her virginity should have been given to him—and not the first random dude she met at a bar—you know, after they got married of course.
The thing is, Millicent, as well as many girls in real life forget that they are worth something. They forget that their virginity is something sacred and special and they stop believing that someone will wait for them or fight for them or love them. So these hurt and broken women give their virginity away to someone who won’t wait for her or fight for her or love her because they just want to feel loved.
If Millicent were a real person, I’d be weeping for her and I’d also be angry at her. I’d be weeping because she her virginity to someone who meant absolutely nothing to her. She had waited so long to give her virginity to a special person, but she ended up giving it to a random guy at the bar. Her gift wasn’t cherished, rather it was just used for self-satisfaction. She wanted to feel loved by anyone, and he wanted just wanted to get some. Two people having sex and just taking what they want from the other person. That’s called using—adult, consensual using. Yes, it’s legal, and he media tells us it’s a good thing, but it’s not. The dangerous thing is that it can really look like love sometimes. And that’s how it all starts. I’d be angry because she had no business giving away a beautiful precious gift that she wasn’t meant to just give away like that! She wasn’t helpless. She wasn’t forced. But she gave something away to someone to whom she didn’t have the authority to give. And that’s messed up.
Millicent is not real, so I have no need to weep for her, but do weep for all those girls in real life who do this, who think that their virginity is just part of some game. Who confuse fulfilling some guys “needs” as love. People like Millicent are real and they’re everywhere. Lust is being masqueraded as love and we are so desperate for love that we fall for it—or worse, maybe we don’t fall for it, maybe we just accept it because we believe that’s the closest that we can get.
Well, people. Don’t fall for it. Don’t accept it. Love is real. And my mission here in the Philippines is to show people what it really looks like .